July 27, 2015
0930
I have finally realised the answer to the stupid question that young women always ask me, "Why are you single?" Because I am the classic nice guy. Nice guys always finish last. You know that nice, gentle, respectable nice guy we watch in movies and TV shows who, no matter how kind and gentle he is, never gets the girl until the end of his story? Those guys exist, and I am one of them. Normally I would say it's because of something about women my age, but that's not true, because women younger than me get engaged and married all the freaking time. It's actually because of me, but not in a bad way. Putting my sins and flaws aside, there's nothing wrong with me. Everybody's a sinner and everybody has flaws. Everything about me is datable and marriage quality. I'm a man of God, I'm chivalrous and therefore a gentleman, I'm protective (but not even close to being over-protective), I'm a pursuer (women always say they like to be pursued, which, by the way, goes both ways); I'm a man of principles, which, being a man of God, the foundation of my principles come from God's Word; I'm a leader and always do my best to lead my relationships by example in Christ; I'm brave (after all, I served in the Army without fear for my life), and I'm not butt ugly. I don't have the greatest self-esteem when it comes to my looks since I don't have handsome flowing hair, or a beard, and I'm not muscular (since those seem to be what women today obsess over), but I definitely know I'm not butt ugly either. (Then again, butt ugly people don't know that they're butt ugly...) Besides, there are plenty of butt ugly people in relationships and marriages, so even if I were butt ugly I'd still have this faint glimmer of hope that I possess. I have Puerto Rican blood, so flowing hair is impossible for me. My genes disallow me from growing a beard, but even if I could grow a beard, I don't want a bacterial sponge on my face. And I don't have the metabolism or self-discipline to look like a body builder, so deal with it, ladies.
But because of all those qualities I do have and more, I'm safe; and I think many women my age are irrationally afraid of being in a safe relationship. That's not my own thinking, but it's a thought I've come to adapt. Somebody told me that a couple years ago. She's a close friend of mine and she told me that the reason why I'm always single is because I'm safe, and a lot of women our age (we're close in age) are afraid of a safe relationship for absolutely no good reason. I'm thinking that the reason, however, might be because if they somehow lose this safe relationship for whatever reason, then how can they be sure that they'll have another relationship so safe? Of course, that's more of a subconscious thought. That fear is understandable, but it's also unrealistic because there are plenty of nice guys out there besides me. Just walk into a church. Young Christian couples get married like the frequency of rabbits giving birth.
Nice guys are transparent and get passed off to the next girl to reject him because we're passive. Jerks, and (pardon my French) assholes, are the ones who get noticed because they're active. The difference between the nice guy and the jerk is not that the nice guy doesn't know what he wants, contrary to popular belief. The nice guy knows what he wants. The difference is that the jerk actively seeks out what he wants, often for the wrong reasons. The nice guy, however, is passive; he doesn't actively seek out what he wants. It's not always because he was born this way. In fact, we nice guys used to be active, but we become passive. It's usually because, being the nice guy, he gets rejected a lot, so out of constant rejection he becomes passive — allowing and accepting things to happen to him without trying to change it. Reject a nice guy, that's it; you won't hear from him again. Nor should you want to, because you rejected him. Reject a jerk, and he'll keep on trying, and usually it's that conceited persistence of the jerk that ends up getting the girl.
These are just my thoughts on this whole issue. Being the nice guy, I'm not going to be single indefinitely, but it is the reason for why it's taking a very long time for me to find the right person — someone bold enough to put up with my flaws, give me a chance, and stay committed. It doesn't matter how much of a man of God I am, or how kind I am, or gentle, or intelligent, or chivalrous, as a nice guy I will always be transparent until the last possible moment when someone miraculously sees me, because nice guys always finish last.
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